By Kevin Conner

I enjoy coming home from work.

Often when I pull in, I can see my son in the front window watching for me. I come in the door and give hugs and kisses to my wife and the baby. I am just able to put my things down when my five year old asks me what time it is. I reply, “I don't know, what time is it?”

“It's wrestling time!”

He chases me through the house and we end up on our bed with me tossing him around and tickling him until he says mercy. Sometimes we will head back to the living room and end up on the floor rolling around tickling and tossing and jumping. I love wrestling with my son.

Wrestling with God, on the other hand, is a challenge.

I have wrestled with God over my marriage, my parenting, my ministry, my family, my home, my car, and my own life. If I left anything out, I didn't mean to.

“Then Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him until daybreak” (Genesis 32:24). I am glad to know I am not the only one.

Jacob was alone. He had gotten up in the middle of the night and sent his two wives and their maids and his eleven children across that ford and then stayed by himself. He was alone. That is how I often feel when I am wrestling with God.

My wife and I were praying and begging God for a child. It was after six years of marriage that God opened her womb. We rejoiced. One month after he was born, my first-born son became very sick. The hospital in town could no longer help and he needed to be flown to a hospital two hours away. I remember that morning too well. We were awoken by activity in the room. The nurses were rushing in and working with our son. Of course, we became worried. The doctor entered and pulled us aside. He told us there was nothing more they could do and that they would be flying him by helicopter to a hospital that was better equipped to work with him. It wasn't his words that I remember most, but the look of concern on his face that he could not hide.

I began to wrestle with God!

In my mind, I challenged God on why he would finally give us a son and then take him away a month after birth. I wanted to know why God would do it.

It seemed the entire staff was in our room preparing our son to be taken. They were making a make-shift container to set over his head which continued to blow oxygen into his face. They were wheeling in the gurney to take him to the landing pad.

I questioned, “Why God? Why would you put my son through all this?”

The pilot put his arm around me and gave me a hug. He said nothing, but just held me – a total stranger. My wife and I were weeping as they pushed the bed down the hall to the elevator. Our son was crying and looking at us. It was as if he was saying, “Daddy, what is happening? Why are you letting them take me?”

I wrestled with God as I walked back to the room to gather our belongings. I entered the room and fell to my knees. My strength was gone.

“When he saw that he had not prevailed against him, he touched the socket of his thigh; so the socket of Jacob's thigh was dislocated while he wrestled with him” (Genesis 32:25).

Jacob's hip bone was put out of place. Essentialy, he could no longer wrestle, as it is the hip joint that is used to wrestle. If the hip is dislocated, then the power of the wrestler is taken, but Jacob hangs on. He would not let God go. Instead of prevailing, he now became dependant. Hosea helps us in understanding what took place that night that Jacob wrestled. He says, “Yes, he wrestled with the angel and prevailed; He wept and sought His favor” (Hosea 12:4). Jacob cried out to God and wept. He prayed for understanding; he prayed for clarity. Jacob had no home because he left Laban's house and Esau wanted to kill him, last he knew. He came to a point of utter dependence on God.

I was on my knees wrestling with God. I had no more strength. My head was buried in my mother-in-law's lap. It was then that God reminded me of the sacrifice of His Son. God so loved the world that he sent his son to die. God loves me. Like Jacob, I received a blessing. I was overwhelmed by God's love.

We left the hospital, and as we pulled out of town I fell asleep. God gave me peace to sleep. I awoke as we pulled into the other hospital feeling like I had gotten a full night's rest. We went up to his room and the nurses met us at the elevator. All I remember them saying is, “He's doing much better!”

Jacob's blessing came while in the midst of the struggle. It came when he realized his dependence on God. It's good to wrestle with God. It is good to cry out to God and plead with him, all night if need be. God will wrestle with you. He will work you through whatever it is that you are struggling with. It may take longer then you think, but do not let go. Even if you lose your strength, do not let go.

Remember though, when you wrestle with God, you will never be the same. I am not.

“Now the sun rose upon him just as he crossed over Penuel, and he was limping on his thigh” (Genesis 32:31).